O D D I T I E S tj|tl|in|ca|st
O D D I T I E S
tj|tl|in|ca|st

W O R L D   R E C O R D   M E G A   B U R N O U T

Porter, Maine

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

On an isolated road outside for Parsonsfield, Maine, I come across this amazing tire-grinding tribute to car abuse. Never have I seen such an elongated example of road tattooing in my entire life. I estimate the tire marks to be at least 100 yards in length. Yes, that's right folks, longer than a football field. Now, what would possess someone to do such a thing?

Looking closely at the path they ineloquently scribe, not only are they all over the road, they were also made in an uphill direction and end not far from where the hill crests. In other words, this road-art author was, at times, operating their 4-wheeled rubber applicator in the oncoming lane of traffic, having no visibility to what could be rushing up and over the other side of the hill. Many words come to mind when I look at this. The three strongest are: stupid, idiotic, and foolish.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not professing to be squeaky clean in terms of vehicular tomfoolery, I've certainly done my fair share of reckless things. Back in the day, probably the stupidest thing I every did was something called a brake stand, it's when you press the gas and brake pedals at the same time. Since front brakes were more powerful than rear brakes, a car will typically remain stationary while the rear wheels spin. And in what better car to do it in than my old 73 Ford Torino which was rear-wheel drive.

Having just rained, the wet pavement in the parking lot was slippery and primed for some wheel-spinning fun. Flooring the car's accelerator for about 20 seconds, the aftermath was somewhat amusing, having created a hundred foot plume of rubber-smoke and white steam. My windows were open at the time, allowing heaping portions of smoke to funnel into the interior, and for a few seconds my visibility was so bad that I couldn't see even see a hand in front of my face. Yup, it was dumb, but it was safe. The car wasn't moving, and all was clear before I tried the stunt.

Back to the matter at hand, I bet the marks before me now were scrawled by a car full of kids, probably drunk, probably driving in their own vehicle (not their parents). The car was front-wheel drive and most likely pretty beat up from past abuses like the one illustrated here. Luckily, no car was coming in the other direction. It's all speculation of course. Maybe it was created by a little old lady on her way to church, perhaps she dropped her teeth on the foot mat and while reaching for them, inadvertently pressed the accelerator all the way to the floor? Who knows? It's hard to say what really happened.

Maybe there should be a C.S.I. television show that fictitiously investigates tire skids and burnouts? I bet it would be a hit! Heck, I'd watch it.


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