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BOOT  OF  DESPAIR

Boston, Massachusetts

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Do you know what sucks? Getting a parking ticket. Do you know what really sucks? Getting the boot in Boston, MA! And I'm not talking about getting booted like you're kicked out, rather, I'm talking about being booted like someone has fastened a contraption to your foot and won't remove it until you pay alms for past, irresponsible digressions.

Horror of horrors, if you are parked in front of your home when you get booted, the whole neighborhood is going to know what you've done, now how shameful is that? It's a scarlet letter of sorts. Instead of denoting the commission of adultery, this yellow metal contraption signals your failure to pay parking tickets. Ha! I'm not sure what's worse. In the former, at least you've had some measure of fun before getting caught.

But, alas, not all is lost. Sorting through the rainbow of notices plastered on the window, I notice the yellow one indicates help is indeed available. Call Freedom Boot Removal! Apparently they will actually pay off all your parking tickets, now how could that be? On the surface that seems really odd.

My guess is they actually loan you the money. They pay off your tickets with a loan that you secure through them, and certainly the interest rate will be enough to make even Donald Trump blanch. As collateral, they could have you hand over your car's title of ownership. If you're still paying off your car (ie, you don't have the title), perhaps the agency secures other forms of collateral, like putting a lean on your home. I mean, really, the sky is the limit here. It's actually a rather clever business model.

So, if you ever get booted in Boston, MA, call Freedom Boot Removal. Or better yet, don't park illegally. Now, there's a novel idea!


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